Johnston Family

Back by popular demand (OK, so I’m fantasising again, no change there), the Johnston family Christmas newsletter…

January started with the usual boiler failure which in our house can always be guaranteed to precede the coldest point of the year. OK for Graeme who was away setting up a new Internet bank in Norwich, not so good for everybody else. Judith attended the funeral of an old friend and Thistle, our senior cat, was in serious decline (and had dwindled away by Easter). Fleur was having problems with a knee, consulting an excellent local (but Scottish) surgeon, getting physio from his wife and lots of TLC from everybody else. With retirement less than a year away Graeme’s office e-mails contained as part of the heading the number of days left to go, talk about rubbing it in …

February got off to a good start with a delightful weekend in Southwold at Sally and Max Johnson’s new holiday home. Very bijou and a squeeze for the four of us but lots of fun. Graeme’s project moved briefly to Edinburgh for collaboration with the Royal Bank of Scotland (déjà vu, since that’s where his career started). Fleur had her (third) knee operation, has the keyhole pictures to prove it and started a two-month period of sick leave involving lots of pain-killers and physio at least twice a week. The parental taxi service was in full operation to support her social life until she could drive again. The month ended with Aida in the Round at the Albert Hall; visually stunning even if musically just so-so.

Graeme’s project ended abruptly in March when the customer realised that the black hole into which it was throwing its money was probably bottomless, but he ended up back in Edinburgh almost immediately managing a project for the Bank of Scotland. Visited old friends in Cheltenham for a very enjoyable murder mystery weekend, Judith a very dippy Madame Arcati look-alike and Graeme a sort of Blashford-Snell action man (how appropriate) [dream on, sunshine – Ed] in a military moustache. Graeme joined Judith’s Art History class once again (anything for a free trip) for a whistle-stop tour of Antwerp, Amsterdam, Haarlem and The Hague to study Dutch Masters; lots of Vermeers and Rembrandts, and a splendid evening out in Amsterdam. At one point we had a good ten minutes alone in a tiny room with five small, almost pocket-sized Rembrandts – Oh! the temptation.

Got back from Holland all cultured-out with just enough time to unpack, repack, get two hours sleep and then set off (with Fleur) for a very welcome week of R&R in Paphos. Sunshine, nice meals, lots of brandy sours (for Judith), shopping, relaxation and convalescence for Fleur before returning to work. No other big events in April, other than that Judith took up salsa dancing and the Bank of Scotland gave Graeme a nice serviced apartment in Edinburgh, used from this point on by the family for occasional weekends.

May saw our little friend Alexander christened in Little Baddow. Our lady Canon has a great fund of wicked stories; she could be a stand-up comic as a sideline (maybe she is). Perfect family service with a nice party afterwards. Open Gardens day in Little Baddow was the usual success with cream teas at a neighbour’s house and an opportunity to look over the garden of our old house, transformed by pots of money into finely manicured but completely sterile perfection (along with memorial garden and urns!). At least Rory and Fleur were pleased to find that their ‘Secret Seven’ shed had survived.

In June Fleur visited Alton Towers by car (her first really long solo drive) and we enjoyed a great party at the golf club to celebrate a friend’s 75th birthday. Mid month we very sadly lost Maurice, an old, dear friend. The funeral was held on a beautiful summer day in our lovely English country churchyard; the service was very moving, and so well attended that it was standing room only for latecomers. The following day Judith and Graeme set off for a few days in Rome. Perfect weather, wonderful food and breathtaking surroundings. Walked miles, and Judith wants to go back soon for the chocolate ice cream. While we were there Roma won the Serie A (football) championship. There then ensued several days of enthusiastic flag waving, car horn tooting and generally amiable intoxication which made the holiday unforgettable. And we managed to get to the Vatican museum twice, but still haven’t done it all.

Edinburgh in July for a short break to see the family and maximise use of the apartment. Fleur went to the Milton Keynes open air Bowl for a Robbie Williams gig and came back sunburnt on one side only; very fetching. Judith gave up salsa’ing (far too strenuous for a lady of her advancing years) and transferred to ballroom and Latin American; also spent much time bobbing about in an inflatable armchair in the pool perfecting her tan (both sides). The little red car was sold and Judith got a splendid new set of wheels chosen very largely because of its leather seats, sunglasses holder and handbag hook; the good news is that it has a fantastic sound system; the bad news is that this encourages Judith to sing; the good news is that she only does it when on her own (by order).

August was Graeme’s retirement month. Never has a (second) retirement been milked for so many parties. Nice end of project parties in Edinburgh, and a wonderful garden party at home on a hot, sunny Sunday (yes, there was one), for which old friends Andrina and Les came to stay. And then a splendid seven-hour lunch with lots of IBM friends in London; we had planned to do the London Eye after but were in no fit state… Later in the month Judith and Fleur enjoyed a trip up to London to see Martine McCutcheon and Dennis Waterman in My Fair Lady.

Many celebrations were planned for Graeme’s mother’s 80th birthday in Edinburgh mid month, but unfortunately she became too unwell to attend. Such a pity since all of her family was present and that would have given her great pleasure. Her condition deteriorated a week later and Graeme rushed back up to Edinburgh in time to be with her and the rest of the family at the end. She had made it to 80, but her last few years were dogged by ill health with poor quality of life and many periods in local hospitals; we used to joke with her that she was compiling the Bedpan guide to Edinburgh hospitals. She bore her many tribulations with great courage, never complained, kept her sense of mischief to the end and is sorely missed. If there is a consolation, it is that Graeme worked in Edinburgh for most of the year up to her death and was able to visit her twice a week, a rare treat when we live so far away. We were especially pleased that Graeme’s cousin Neville managed to get up to Edinburgh for the funeral and we are looking forward to visiting Neville and Lorna when next travelling through Yorkshire.

In September Fleur signed up for two evening classes a week, psychology and human biology; this only slightly curtails her otherwise hectic social life, and she still manages to get to the gym most days. After eight years, Judith managed to shed her school governors responsibilities. This should provide more evening time for dancing, gym, Tai Chi, etc., but in practice provides more time for falling asleep in front of the TV. The month also saw a new kitten, thought to be a boy and named Campbell; a subsequent trip to the vet put us right and she is now officially Amber, unofficially Psycho. Very pretty, ever so slightly spoiled, and George (the senior cat) is close to a nervous breakdown.

We were in London enjoying the Vermeer and ‘Ingres to Matisse’ exhibitions when a taxi driver told us about the World Trade Centre disaster, which we then watched unfold in a bar. Words are not adequate to the task of describing our emotions either then or subsequently, and we fear that through this madness the world has changed forever.

Rory and Amanda told us to keep Saturday 15th September free for a surprise. Could they? Would they? Should Judith buy a new hat? Sadly, no. After many devious (but not very subtle) investigations she discovered it was Proms in the Park with a picnic; a really nice night out and fitting that an American (Leonard Slatkin) should be at the helm this year of all years. A very appropriate Last Night of the Proms programme with much sympathy and support all round for the victims of the terrorist attacks in the USA.

To celebrate retirement and birthday Graeme bought himself two flash presents in October, a new computer system for faster Internet surfing and a shiny new Jaguar [taking a leaf out of John Prescott’s book, he’s now known as One Jag Johnston – Ed]. All Johnston cars are now in matching silver. The car arrived in time for us to take it up to Edinburgh to inter his mother’s ashes in the family grave at Polmont and join in a lovely party in Linlithgow for nephew Jordan’s sixth birthday. Rory and Amanda joined us to share a surprise birthday meal, and Graeme and Judith had an amazingly full day out in London. This included an antiques fair, the Rembrandt and Masaccio exhibitions, lunch, the London Eye (at last), the Imax cinema, the Coutts Pensioners’ Christmas party and, finally, Buddy. Yes, we oldies can still rock and roll with the best of them, even if 1000% knackered the next day [I had to work next day but wilted badly in the afternoon – Ed].

Events in Afghanistan have put paid (at least for the time being) to Graeme’s plans to do occasional consultancy for IBM in the Middle East. So for now he has registered as a government statistic and delights in driving his Jag down to the broo to sign on… [For non-Scots readers, broo = job centre – Ed].

Judith’s birthday arrived (as usual) in November, celebrated with a trip to the theatre and a splendid family meal at a local restaurant. Terry and Rita wrenched themselves away from the shop in Weymouth and arrived for an overnight stay; really good to see them even if Terry has secretly started smoking again (yes, we did notice). And the boiler failed just in time for the coldest point in the year (this winter to date) (déjà vu) [like the rest of us it’s showing its age – Ed].

Otherwise, the pace of social life continues to accelerate as we approach Christmas; only four more parties to attend before our own, not counting dinner parties. Judith and Fleur are going to New York for mother/daughter bonding (but mostly for shopping) in January, and we managed to get some ridiculously cheap flights for two weeks in Orlando in February to celebrate Fleur’s 21st birthday. Rory and Amanda will be coming with us, now all we need is a nice cheap villa …

If you think we have neglected Rory in this newsletter, think again; his text follows (we thought it was only married men who had to spend alternate Sundays in IKEA). But before you get to that we want to wish you a very happy Christmas and an outstandingly happy, healthy and prosperous year in 2002. Go on, have another mince pie; go on, go on, go on …

Graeme & Judith ([email protected], [email protected])

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Hello all.

The whole thing’s boring, smug and very middle-class. I can’t believe anyone really wants to read this. This is our final word on this matter, well, except for these…

We have been on holidays to excessively carnivorous Sardinia, crime-filled Barcelona and terrorist-infested Pamplona in Spain, Edinburgh (three times), Cornwall, the over-crowded Swedish enclaves of IKEA, the disappointingly flat Chilterns and the Peak District. We have also been go-karting, quad-biking in torrential rain, gliding, been in the audience of ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’, got fat, joined the gym, still doing Ju-Jitsu, realised the futility of life and work, watched far too much TV, and we have decorated everything in our flat except the kitchen.

Amanda has left her high tech career with an Internet company and started undermining KPMG. Rory has almost done 18 months with One2One (and is due for parole soon) [hopefully not the enforced kind – Ed].

Rory’s greatest crime this year: being drunk in charge of a Scrabble board (and a Christmas letter).

Amanda’s greatest crime this year: not telling her boss what she thought of him when she had the chance.

Amanda’s greatest crime this year (according to Rory): getting us lost in the Pyrenees after saying she’d been on that route millions of times before, knew it like the back of her hand and then giving me a guilt-trip when I dared to suggest that this didn’t look like the way we’d come up. We ended up having to sleep in the forest without any tents or sleeping bags (and it was freezing!!).

Coming up in next year’s letter (yes, I bet you can hardly wait)…

• We will have built or bought a new kitchen,
• Rory will have started planning the house he will eventually build,
• We will have been on some more holidays,
• We will have been forced to write another bourgeois end-of-year letter.

Now, go back to your sausage rolls and prepare for the revolution.

Rory [email protected]

It’s that time again – where has the year gone! Whatever it is we have been doing, it hasn’t left any free time! But looking back –

SPRING……

We saw in the New Year with champagne and fireworks at a nearby party. It was surreal to see the fireworks being lit by a burly Margaret Thatcher who never let go of her handbag – it was one of those parties. The Y2K bug struck in the form of streaming colds and coughs. The Yule’s New Year walk was delayed slightly, but as it was raining that day, we went straight from the bucks fizz to the long boozy lunch and omitted the walk in the mud.

It was all too soon before Rory returned to Edinburgh, and the rest of us went back to work. Fleur by this time was working for one of the University departments at Danbury Park, and sharing the driving. Graeme embarked on a top secret project codenamed “Vienna” which, sadly, was not in Vienna at all, but East Anglia. This project collapsed in ruins every two to three weeks, (Goodnight, Vienna), then rose again phoenix-like but in a slightly different form. This went on for some months, but fortunately IBM continues to pay, work or no work. He also fitted in another trip to Riyadh.

New Year – new activities! Johnstons go to the gym! A super health club opened up in Chelmsford, so the Millennium resolution was to get fit. Fleur was driving the little red car by this time, and it was hardly ever off the road.

Rory came home (briefly) for Easter and demanded the big blue car to go to interviews in Borehamwood and Reading, and then on to Somerset (to see Amanda, as they had been parted for several days). By the end of March, Rory had been accepted for teaching in Japan, accepted for a PhD course, and had three job offers. Needless to say, he sold out to Mammon, so we put away the airline timetables.

Once again Graeme joined Judith and her art class for a short trip to Paris, taking in the Musée d’Orsay, a chunk of the Louvre, and Rodin’s house, along with a few nice meals. On returning to Danbury, we were met off the coach by Rory and Amanda, who had been brought back from Somerset to meet us.

Fleur and friends went to Wembley Arena to see Puff Daddy, Sisco, Donell Jones, L’il Kim (only those under twenty will have any idea who these people are).

We were very concerned about relatives and friends in Zimbabwe, especially as e-mails and phone calls failed to connect.

SUMMER…..

Early in the term Rory had exams, but we didn’t hear very much about them. How could we help, anyway? Fleur had more physio on her knee, but this was not very effective. Graeme and Judith went to the West Country to visit friends in Minehead, Rick Stein’s in Padstow, Louise and new baby in St Blazey and Rita’s special birthday in Weymouth. Judith and friends appeared on Kilroy(!), and Fleur and Judith visited the Tate Modern in the opening week – great spider! Fleur applied for and succeeded in getting a job in Chelmsford, to start on return from holiday.

Fleur’s favourite club in Chelmsford closed for refurbishment, and to everyone’s amazement, she decided not to go to the re-opening, but gave up clubbing, late nights and alcohol in favour of the healthy life and going to gym several times a week!

Three Johnstons set off for Florida early in June. We arrived in Miami and drove south to the Keys in a tropical storm, but got more and more relaxed with every passing milemarker. The Keys are a delight, very laid back to completely horizontal. Key West was super, and very, very alternative – even the taxis are pink. We followed in the footsteps of Michael Palin to visit Ernest Hemingway’s house and see the five-toed cats. Harry Truman’s Little White House was also very interesting. Now totally relaxed, we cruised through the Everglades and Ten Thousand Islands to Naples on the Gulf Coast (Florida, Rita, not Italy!). Added airboats to our forms of transport! We stayed in a villa in the grounds of a splendid hotel, with our own swimming pool. Naples has the largest Barnes & Noble bookstore in the States, and the smallest Saks Fifth Avenue, both very close to the hotel. Naples was great, too, terrific restaurants and shopping. We had to go away earlier than usual in order to put in a brief appearance at work before going to Edinburgh for Rory’s graduation.

Fleur started her new job in Chelmsford, and drove the little red car until we found a little silver car for her. Rory had bought a little navy blue car in Edinburgh to bring his stuff home (and Amanda and her giant pot plant), so the front garden became a car park – much shuffling of cars with Ecosse stickers if anybody wanted to get out. Rory started work for One2One in Borehamwood, but subsequently got moved to Barnet. The daily hundred mile return trip on the M25 was not much fun, and the property search began.

Edinburgh put on a scorcher for Rory’s graduation day in July. He pleased us all very much by getting a first in nerd studies (Artificial Intelligence and Software Engineering). Amanda collected her Masters in Gender and Society that afternoon as well. Her “specialist subject” is women and martial arts (the moral of this is, don’t mess with Amanda, or you’ll get a good kicking!) Rory’s graduation photo is too ghastly to reproduce here – but we can see what he’ll look like at forty!

Fleur had seen another orthopaedic surgeon about her knees, and began yet another course of physiotherapy. Surprise, surprise, the surgeon’s wife is a physio, but a rather special one, being physio to the British Olympic team. Fleur is still athletics mad, and struck up a very good relationship with the lady who massages the legs of Linford Christie, Darren Campbell, Steve Backley (phwoar!!!) and knows all the athletes well.

Not much swimming for us this summer, as although there were some hot days, they did not coincide with the weekends. There were, however, some memorable barbecues and garden parties. The guys and gals in Judith’s office decided to take up croquet on the lawn in front of the office. We reduced the simplified game to fit our half hour lunch break, and played almost every day. We had the Grand Championship during the week that She Who Must Be Obeyed was on holiday! The more co-ordinated people also used our pitch and putt course, and some even played tennis after work. Some of us just went to the pub.

AUTUMN…..

Early September sees International T’ai Chi Day, and all the local clubs give demonstrations in the pedestrian precinct. (Overheard conversation between small boy and his mother: “Mummy, mummy, what are they doing?” “That’s line dancing, dear, come away”.)

A great two-day wedding of friends Rachel and Toby in Danbury. We have now experienced the cataclysmic effect of champagne and Archers on empty stomachs!

Operation Vienna has turned out to be in Norwich where Graeme and his team are supposed to be creating an internet bank, but in fact are doing very little as no decisions seem to be made about what is required. But at least the client is still happy to pay for them. We hoped to have a little holiday in October, but holidays were vetoed for the team, until it was too late. They owe us one.

Graeme’s sister Karen was 40 in September, and unbeknown to her, umpteen Johnstons descended on Chester and threw a surprise party for her!

WINTER…..

The days grow shorter. The round of committee meetings gets underway again, as do the candlelight suppers and Sunday lunch parties.

Operation Vienna has at last got organised, and Graeme spends most of the week in Norwich, working long hours again.

After many delays and frustrations, Rory exchanged, completed and moved into his flat in St Albans on 8 December. Amanda has a job with an Internet company in the City and has started to commute. (Oh, I remember commuting – a long time ago…) Rory is learning Iaido which involves wearing voluminous black skirts over the jitsu pyjamas and whirling wooden swords round and round.

At the time of writing, Graeme’s mother has had three falls and a broken hip, (but no submissions) and is now recovering well in hospital. She will have soon done enough research to compile the definitive guide to Edinburgh hospitals. (The Royal Victoria gets only one bedpan in the Una Johnston Good Hospital Guide).

Only a few more drinks parties, office dinners, the panto, midnight writing of cards, then it’s Christmas Eve and time for turkey – and bliss, vegging out for a few days, before preparing the Harry Potter Millennium Party – this is where we came in. Then Graeme and Judith are to work on their retirement plans. (There is already a draft Gantt chart…)

With all best wishes for Christmas and the New Millennium.

Graeme & Judith ([email protected], [email protected])

There very nearly wasn’t a letter this year. She said last year’s effort was a fiasco as it seemed only two people on the mailing list had ever heard of Bridget Jones. The rest probably thought She had finally lost all her marbles. She said George and I might as well do it. I sit on Her lap when She’s typing so I know how to make the boxes produce words on paper. George prefers to play with the mouses he finds in the garden.

Christmas is pretty good as we are allowed in the white room and can sleep in front of the fire. But They get up later and we have to wait for our breakfast. But we get turkey to eat. Sometimes lots of people arrive and we stay out of the way as there is so much noise and too many feet. Also, there can be a lot of red liquid flying about.

The Boy disappeared shortly after Christmas. We saw him go with a holdall with a squash racket sticking out of it, and carrying a bonsai tree in a carrier bag. His hair was still very short. Then He disappeared every week, as usual, although this time it was to Germany, where they don’t have Danish pastries. So we were left with Her and The Girl. More room on the bed for us, though.

In February She booked us into the luxury cat hotel we like so much, but it was only for a long weekend. He and She and The Girl flew up to Edinburgh for the 18th/21st birthday weekend. We heard they took The Girl to the pub legally, and The Boy and some of his girlfriends to a Japanese restaurant. They thought they had planned for all possible contingencies, but They had not thought about the Brother-in-Law lopping the top off his finger and being unable to drive them around. So much for forward planning!

While He is away, She has taken up tai chi and strikes strange postures in the kitchen, while The Girl has taken up clubbing and staying out late. We hope she does not tread on our tails with those horrendous heels.

After a while, The Boy came back for a short time. It’s good to see him again as there is another lap to sit on, but how is He so thin when he eats so much? Then the Boy went to Brussels for a weekend to see his friend who is on a placement there, bought his mum Leonidas chocolates (what a star!) but left them in Robert’s fridge! The Girl went up to Edinburgh to stay with Samantha at the same time. It was very quiet without either of them, but hardly anyone left to feed us.

The Girl looked after us when They went to the wedding of a long lost cousin in Hampshire. He said She had only come up with one living relation in 25 years, and now there was a whole tribe of them to catch up with. (Nearly as many as his.)

Because The Girl looks after us so well, They seem to take every opportunity to go away. They went to Paris for a few days with Her art class, and found a great Japanese restaurant, and returned with a suitcase full of duty free Baileys.

In May She went to Stuttgart, where He works, for few days. It seems They drove down to Lermoos in Austria and revelled in the mountains. On the way back into Stuttgart they were surprised to see a naturist camp so very close to the motorway!

The Girl went up to London two days running to something called a Backstreet Boys concert, and now the posters in her room have changed. Goodbye to some of those poncy footballers in red shirts. And her room got springcleaned. We haven’t had so much carpet to lie on for years.

Suddenly it all got very busy. The Girl qualified as a nursery nurse. The Boy came home again. We were whisked off to the cat hotel while they pushed off to Florida. The Girl had said she could not remember it very well as it was nine years since she had been there – half a lifetime away. There were cries of “doting dad/little finger/twist”, but they went just the same! They stayed in a couple of top hotels, did lots of their favourite rides again, and then lazed about on the Gulf Coast.

When She’s not out clubbing with her friends, The Girl does a lot of baby-sitting, and is trying very hard to pass her driving test. The Boy has now got hooked into tai chi as well, and the Oldies go to a lot of parties. They went to Copenhagen for an end of project party and managed to fit in a morning’s shopping in Strøget as well. When most people were on holiday, He took an executive decision to get some work for IBM in Saudi Arabia, and has since spent several “dry” weeks out there. But he doesn’t wear the teatowel around the house.

The Boy went back to Edinburgh in September, a month before his term was due to start (we wonder what her name is) and at the same time He departed for a month in Philadelphia to learn some fancy new banking system – at his time of life! Then She took us to Dotty Dorothy’s cattery so that She and The Girl could go to the States for a week as well. He was working not far from the largest shopping mall on the East Coast, and She had not been to Philly since the Bi-Centennial. Apparently they met up with a nice Australian girl and her little boy who drove them to the mall, to Amish Country, to the mall, sightseeing in downtown Philly, to the mall …….

The Girl, still trying to pass her driving test, is also trying to find a job that does not interfere with her social life, but no luck so far. She has abandoned nursery nursing, and is taking a training course in business administration. She has been offered some jobs already but they are in places inaccessible without a car, which is where we came in… And she is always on the phone, sometimes two phones at the same time.

We hear The Boy is working on his dissertation (allegedly), learning to salsa, doing lots of jitsu as well as tai chi, running the jitsu web page and generally having a good time. He’s now a dark blue belt which permits him to be an instructor. He has applied to teach English in Japan next year, so the Oldies are getting out the airline timetables and counting the Air Miles.

It will soon be time for us to doze in the white room and dream of turkey.

A very happy Millennium to those of you who think it is about to happen, and Happy New Year to those who believe it has already happened, or are content to wait another year – and have another party!

Be kind to your pets.

(on behalf of Her, Him, The Boy and The Girl)

Judith ([email protected])